I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
