Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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