Please, let me fuck your mom
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
