I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
