I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
