Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
