When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Randomize
