"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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