Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
