my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
