Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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