woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
