The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
