Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
