I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
