Can Purell be used as lube?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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