awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
