Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
