Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
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