After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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