So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
