If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
