Umm I'm too high to move.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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