ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
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He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
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I lost the right to judge tonight
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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