Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
