maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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