ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
