i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
