That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
