i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
