ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
