she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
