i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
