Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You are a genius and a whore.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
