If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
