I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
