Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
where are my eyebrows?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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