We're like a lot better than the average bears
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It's rum buckets o'clock
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I forgot wine drunk hurts
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
