Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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