Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
operation harelip BJ is a go
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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