then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
