Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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