my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
