I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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