Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
