I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
