Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
