I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He? As in you personified your dick?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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