I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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