i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
