I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Randomize
