Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
