Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
