Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
