honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
love makes seman taste better
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
