You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
