I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
