New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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