which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
They took my balls.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
