i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
