I can't watch pbs sober anymore
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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