Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
