Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
