My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
