I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
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