You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Actions speak louder than pants.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We are two peas in an std pod
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
