Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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