Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
how can u be prego again
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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