I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You can't just leave with hair like that
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
