my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Randomize
