I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
