I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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