And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My liver just broke up with me...
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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