drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
